241.8

To you that's probably so much weight you would shoot yourself over.
To me that's a holy fuck moment.

Let me explain. Back in 2012 when I left the site something happened and I had developed PTSD(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). This led me out of my right might entirely and I wound up doing a lot of stupid things that I'm not proud of and don't care to look back on. What i'm getting at is that I had wind up going for someone I shouldn't have and I got my heart broken. It sent me into a spiraling depression and I stopped caring about myself or my body all together. Sigh. I hate myself for this. I began to gain more and more weight over the years and that put me at my highest weight which is 245lbs. Recently I finally got back into the swing of things and you would not believe how relieving it is to see that '1' there. I've been staring at the scale for two days just waiting for '242' to turn into '241' and it finally happened.

There is so much more work to be done. Coming back from the holidays is always such a bitch but I KNOW I can do this.I'm back on my way to not being a fucking cow anymore. I will get smaller, I will be beautiful, I will be thin and I will be perfect.